Has it really been a week since I last wrote? Oh man, bad blogger, bad bad blogger! Well my excuse is it's been a crazy busy week - sickness and my birthday! Yes, this past Wednesday I turned....well I turned a year older - which surprisingly doesn't bum me out too much maybe it's because I don't feel as old as I actually am, I've always felt old, or maybe it's because I kind of forgot how old I am - weird isn't it, I completely blame mommy brain.
So, yes my birthday was this week and my husband spoiled me with tickets for the play Wizard of Oz in Toronto! We took our oldest to see the play as well since she enjoys the movie and was excited. We headed downtown Wednesday morning, took the subway to the theatre, enjoyed the amazing play (you must see it if you can!) and then headed back home for a super late dinner of pizza. Out of the whole day, what did Grace enjoy? Being in the city? Nope. Taking her first subway ride? Nope. Watching her first play? Hardly! Being with her mom on her birthday? Not even close! No, it was riding the escalator in the Eaton Centre. I'm glad my daughter likes cheap thrills!
While it has been an exciting week, I've also had some challenges -with both daughters. Leah has learned that screaming is a great and fun way to get what you want! Especially if you let out a high pitched scream right in Mommy's ear! I know I am encouraging this bad behaviour by just giving in and not asking what she wants but I am trying to stop it by telling her no, over and over again as if she understands it while I quietly hope she figures out something new, and quiet this week.
Grace has also been trying too by being stubborn when being asked to do anything - she has clearly jumped seven years and is now a pre-teen. It's annoying and frustrating and when she does become a teenager I will be going on a long holiday! I have lost my temper with her a number of times because I can only handle so much head butting until I snap and start to yell. I hate it - her behaviour and how it makes me this ugly mommy. I try to stay cool and just ignore it but I forget to breathe or walk away. I was relieved when at a friend's house last night I met this other mommy who feels the same way - we are terrible mommy's, we are always the bad guy, we can't do anything right etc. And while it sounds bad to beat ourselves up or in a way compare ourselves to one another, in a way I always feel better afterwards. Not because I am completely comparing my life to another mommy's but because I know for sure there is another mom out there who feels just like I do most days. As my friend wishes she was, I realize I am not always Susie Sunshine whose voice doesn't change after the millionth time of asking my child to blow their nose - it changes after the fifth time and it gets louder. Other mommy's out there - you are not alone and you are doing a great job! I completely feel your pain and your guilt! I read the quote in one of Grace's library books - "Today was a difficult day, tomorrow will be better."